Who are you without basketball?
When you meet people and your introduction is "Hi, I'm Jessica and I play basketball for XYZ university. You chit chat with your new acquaintance for a little while, but then they ask you to tell them about yourself... duun duun duuuhhn... *crickets* OR you begin rattling off your stats and basketball accomplishments while neglecting to mention that you're studying engineering or that you are in business school. That is probably a signal that you haven't spent enough time thinking about your personal identity. You have however thought a lot about your athletic identity.
Athletic identity is the degree to which an individual identifies with the athlete role and looks to others for acknowledgement of that role (Brewer, Van Raalte, & Linder, 1993)
Personal identity is the concept you develop about yourself that evolves over the course of your life. This may include aspects of your life that you have no control over, such as where you grew up or the color of your skin, as well as choices you make in life, such as how you spend your time and what you believe.
From the moment you put on a jersey and show even a glimpse of talent you become:
...my little basketball start...
...Ms./Mr. hooper...
While I can appreciate the confidence and the flattery of those statements, if you think about it, it's kind of misleading. You just told that kid they are your little basketball player which isn't always going to be the case.
Fast forward to the graduating senior student-athlete, the athlete that had a career ending injury, or the elite athlete that is retiring soon. If they spent their whole life identifying with basketball, no wonder you hear statements like:
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"WTF do I do with my free time?"
"Who am I without basketball?"
Look at this article about Micheal Phelps, one of the most decorated athletes on the planet. He makes the statement “I looked at myself as a swimmer and nothing else." MICHEAL PHELPS Y'ALL! This isn't an uncommon phenomenon and it's not talked about as much as it should be.
I remember back in college, we would have this meeting before the seasons started that discussed athletic code of conduct, NCAA violations and how to avoid them, and things like dress code/study hall. This meeting happened EVERY YEAR with all the athletic teams and I don't recall the mention of personal development, career development seminars, or managing personal finance. NONE of that... and I went to a great university. I guess since we were in college they just assumed that those things would be taken care of... WRONG!
If you didn't come in with a semi clear vision for how you wanted your life to be after playing (other than going pro) you weren't really pointed in that direction. At most it was "get good grades so you can get a good job. Things like leadership were talked about heavily during practice but it was more so pertaining to the court. I've witnessed it first hand. There were times we talked about life, but being and elite athlete seemed to be about winning games.
Who cares though right? You're probably thinking "I'm way past the beginning of my career" "It's too late for me to reinvent myself" or more accurately, remember who I am...
I'm gonna outline the mistakes I made when comparing my personal identity vs my athletic identity and how you can avoid them. I'm also going to attempt to share how you can remember who you are. Just remember, it's never too late to start.
Mistake #1: Thinking that one was more important than the other
Mistake #2: Letting other people tell me who I am
Mistake #3: Not being accountable for my own personal development SOONER
Thinking that one was more important than the other
Please hear me, one is NOT more important than the other!! There has to be a balance, but I focused so much on my athletic ability that when my dream of playing professionally was deferred due to injury, I didn't know who I was outside of basketball. I hadn't spent enough time developing personally. Last weekend a friend of mine came into town and we were talking about how we used to want to have a business and invest and random other things that you talk about when you're graduating high school. That was when I was 18 about to go off to play D1 basketball. It was around that time where I put the blinders on and my priority shifted more towards basketball instead of the entity which was me. During the conversation, I started to remember glimpses of what I used to enjoy, but I didn't explore them fully or develop them because my athletic ID was more important at the time.
Don't do that lol. Also, if you are expecting someone to make this decision for you. They aren't. You have to want balance for yourself. Don't get me wrong, to be an elite athlete you absolutely have to put in the time, you have to put in the work, you have to put in the focus and energy to excel.
However, you should put in the same amount (if not more) of focus and energy in developing yourself because when it's time for game to end AND IT WILL END... you are going to be left with you. Who is that going to be? A stranger? Someone who is always thinking about the glory days and talking about the past like their best days are behind them? OR Someone who says "I had a good run, it was a great time, but every day IS my glory days." Even though I'm not exaaactly sure what I want to do right now I know who I am and I know what I'm capable of. Hopefully it's someone you can see winning beyond basketball. You are a freakin' elite athlete!!! So you already have discipline, focus, drive, the ability to take direction and execute, time management (unless you are habitually late to practice and games in which case forget that one lol). You can do what you want if you're willing to develop, but not if you don't know who you are. Otherwise, you'll be out here floundering and that would just suck.
Letting other people tell me who I was
Okay, story time... because I like stories... After I finished playing, people just assumed that I would move into the coaching field or some kind of trainer. If I had a dollar for every stare I got when I said I wasn't coaching I'd be a millionaire. Seriously, and I know you feel me, EVERYBODY doesn't want to be a coach or trainer or whatever!! That doesn't mean I don't love the game and appreciate it for what it was in my life, but how many times are you going to ask me about coaching? The point of that mini rant was to say I let the pressure of that "path" push me into it. I did give it a try, but I just wasn't feeling it. I felt like that's what I should be doing because other people saw it for me. What about this, "Oh you are #32 from xyz school!" Notice they didn't even say my name! ...Just my number and my school... I can't lie, I felt good about being recognized, but I failed to take the opportunity to highlight other aspects of myself. If it was an appropriate setting I could have said I'm Shannon and I do play for xyz school, but I also do this, and am interested in this or that. When you miss an opportunity to be known outside of the sport the person associates you with that sport, and when the times comes when you don't play for xyz school anymore your status may not be as potent as it was when you were actively playing (I'll write on taking advantage of your status later). Moral of the story, you tell people who you are not the other way around.
Not being accountable for my personal development SOONER
What do I mean by that? I'm talking about asking for help, not waiting for someone to hand me something, taking advantage of opportunities for growth whether I found them myself or I asked for them. AND taking action on the ones I did take advantage of. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself because "life didn't turn out the way I thought it would" SO what! I could have been busting my ass learning new skills and meeting influential people in that time. There is this feeling you may have heard of... I believe it's called pride. As an elite athlete you've won your fair share of awards, been on TV, and in the paper, so it's not exactly cool to admit that you don't know what to do after all this. It's hard to ask someone in a similar position what struggles they are facing and how they moved on from them (sometimes because you think you're the only one going through it). It's not the sexiest thing to ask someone how they mentally felt after their injury and found out they couldn't play anymore. It's difficult to take those feelings and begin the dialogue. Like I said earlier, the information is out there, but YOU have to take advantage of it so you can win beyond basketball. I'll give some examples later in this post.
Those are my mistakes. You don't have to make the same ones. If you want to remember who you are do these 4 things:
Self-reflection
Ask people who know you (this is different than letting other people tell you who you are)
Try new things
Consult a specialist
Self-reflection: Pull back the layers of your persona and take off the masks you wear for other people. Just think about the things you used to enjoy. What would you have to miss because you had games and practice that you really wished you had more time for? What do you read, what do you like to do in your spare time. What was something you've always wanted to learn? Check this test out (here is a free version). This is a good tool to look at about your personality type. You can read up on The Enneagram test here. In that action steps I'll give you some questions to ponder.
Trying new things: When was the last time you tried something new that wasn't sports related? This article from Psychology Today talks about the benefits of trying new things. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know. Take a fun class, go travel somewhere, go back to school, say yes the next time someone asks you to speak at an event. Do something to shake your routine up... you will be surprised with the results and may even discover something you really love.
Ask people who know you well: This is different than letting people tell you who you are. In this scenario you are asking for an observation. The key here is asking someone who knew you before you were an elite athlete or someone who you have a close relationship with. Someone who you've shared your personal thoughts with is able to shed some light on your personal identity. Remember though, nobody can tell you who you are. You get the final say.
Consult a specialist: While I am a fan of therapy, this is not what I'm solely talking about. Find someone what specialized in athlete transitions. That can cover anything from personal identity, career development, resume building, or starting a business. They're in your local area or online. As an elite athlete, you may feel ashamed or like a loser because you are asking for help, but the only losers here are the ones who choose to remain stuck and avoid development all together. Get over yourself and get some advice and strategies. Then take action. If they recommend a book, read it. If they suggest an online class or webinar, take it. Our personal identity gets hidden under masks, personal personas and player personality. It's nice to have an objective eye look in at it for you.
Sidebar: I was watching Oprah's Master class (because that's what you do on a Friday night) an I caught "The Rock" episode. I thought it was really cool because this was a dude that could have succumbed to depression, but he reinvented himself. This is a little clip...
Okay, I've got some ACTION STEPS for you!
1. Self reflect- it will probably be uncomfortable if it's not something you usually do. Sit quietly or go for a walk and ask yourself these questions.
What do I enjoy doing?
Who do I like being around?
Who do I like serving or helping?
What would I like to learn?
What do I want my life to look like?
When am I most fulfilled?
What do I daydream about?
Your mind is going to wander and you're going to think it's pointless, but I dare you to take this seriously and resist the urge to skip it. As you are reflecting, have a notebook handy so you can write down anything that jumps out at you. One of my mentors always said "trust a short pencil over your memory any day."
2. Write down 5 people you are going to ask about yourself. Don't be weird. It doesn't have to be like an interview just talk to them. Ask them these questions.
What do you think I'm good at? (they can't answer sports related)
What did I used to enjoy but quit because of games and practices?
When I wasn't in the gym, what would you find me doing?
If someone asked you to describe me what would you say?
This will probably be odd too, but when I did it I got some excellent feedback and interestingly enough, they asked me to do the same for them. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. Here, you are looking for patters, behaviors people keep bringing up, or tid bits that trigger an excitement in you. You can make note of that and look more into it.
3. Google people that work with athletes and specialize in athletic transition. They can be local or online and they focus on taking elite athletes from point A to point B. These specialist help athletes manage the "loss" of their sport and offer a variety of services. Here are a few to get you started:
I've laid out a guide to get you started, but as always, it's up to you to take control of your life and win after basketball (hell, during your playing years too) not your coach, teammates, significant other, pastor... IT'S YOU!
P.S...
None of the links that I used in this post are affiliate links. These people don't know me and they don't pay me to endorse their products and services. I wrote this because I fell into the trap of identifying as my sport and I want other athletes to avoid the trap and succeed IN LIFE. I'm tired of seeing athletes current and former squander their personal potential and end up as a 30 for 30 special or as a headline talking about how they're broke or on drugs or living in their car. ALSO, I don't want to see athletes end up in a job/career that they hate because they didn't do the inner work of developing their personal identity in addition to the physical training. I wrote this because I'm tired of athletes not taking advantage of the perks and opportunities that are right in front of them. Like I said, I don't get paid for none of this, I just want my fellow athletes to know (especially if you aren't getting this from administration, parents, or your agent) you can win after basketball, IF you choose to develop yourself.
If you made it to the end of this (good for you 'cause this was long as shyt lol) and you found it helpful, tweet the link to this post, share it on FaceBook, send it to a friend or player who you think needs some tough love but you don't have the words. Take action and do the exercises outlined above and share your results with me! Leave a comment about your struggles with personal identity vs athletic identity I'm sure other people could benefit from your stories.